Jan 8 2020

A crazy day. Full of stuff at work, and I was exhausted all the time because of my period. Also, I had a few things to do at home after work, so all in all I only got around 250 words today which I got in while waiting for some files to load here and there.

Tomorrow I will also have important things to do at home after work, so I’m hoping to get my words done during my lunch hour, but we’ll see about that.

Jan 7 2020

Today I finished 2k in about two hours, even though I was fairly disperse and distracted. I didn’t feel tired either. I remember I used to feel so exhausted from the mental strain of thinking up the story. But now the words and the story came together very easily, with my main problem being that I kept wanting to check shopping apps.

Now that I’ve left most social media, they have become my vice, even though I honestly don’t shop that much. I just enjoy shifting around items in my shopping cart and pretending like I’ll buy them.

Jan 6 2019

Ah, I’m back. Hello.

The year started today and I’m back at the office today. We all know that the year starts on January 6 once the Three Magi Kings celebration is over and we can all drown in Magi Kings bread and hot chocolate while getting back on track.*

Ah, but on Jan 3 I went to a funny event. There was a toast in honor of Tolkien at a bookstore downtown. It was nice and I met some nice and interesting people who like fantasy.

And of course they talked about writing books. There was a girl there who said she was a writer and they said there would be a fantasy writing workshop at the bookstore. It all brought back memories,and I wondered again about book writing.

And one thing I wondered about was… How fast could I write a book? Like, just churning out words, barely thinking about it. Just doing it Barbara Cartland style and sitting down to recite the whole thing out.

As I said before, I’ve lost that sort of… Anxiety and obsessiveness that I used to feel over writing. It used to come with this sort of… Emotional baggage, this darkness… And now I feel nothing. I wonder how it could be now…

Hell, I wonder if I could do it in 60 days. (I know about nanowrimo, but I also have a very demanding finance job that I’m 100% not going to neglect)

I’ve always been curious, because beating my own writing speed records was always a lot of fun. I’ve always been competitive that way with myself. Always striving to do more than I did before. I might end up giving it a try just for that.

*I’m not having bread tho. It was a difficult moment, saying no thank you to free bread, but I had to. I have felt too good to ruin it now.

Dec 17 2019

Last day before my vacations! I’m so excited. I can’t wait. I really can’t wait.

And its not like I’m gonna go anywhere. I’m mostly just gonna stay home or visit my parents, one of my sisters is coming to stay at my apartment for a few days… But that’s really it.

Still, I really do need a break. And being at the last day before vacations also feels like being in the last days before the end of the year. I just want it to end so I can start again. I hate feeling trapped in the last minutes of anything.

Dec 16 2019

What a wild thing. Its been hard keeping up with daily entries in this blog now, with all of the parties.

Actually I think it’s been hard because due to the parties I relaxed on my diet and started having plant foods, like some flour here and there, and didn’t notice when it started affecting my mental health, sapping my energy, dispersing my thoughts…

The slip is so slow you almost don’t notice it.

Dec 14 2019

Today I dropped by a coffee shop I’d been wanting to visit. They have a board games night. I went alone because i had no one who could go with me, but it wasn’t as bad as I expected. I met a family of foreigners and played Catan for over an hour. It was a lot of fun even if the game was way more complicated than I expected. I enjoyed chatting with them and getting to know them. Lovely people.

I’m thinking I might get the game to play it with my family for Christmas.

I actually felt… How to say it? Reinvigorated, after spending time with them. I love meeting new people. I love learning about their lives and themselves. Interacting with people gives me energy like nothing else.

Dec 13 2019

Let it first be said that I do not believe in the whole introvert/extrovert thing that’s all the rage among millenials/tumblrers/random Internet dwellers.

That being said, I’ve always known that even if it was true, I was not an introvert. I was a simply an unwilling loner.

I like being with people. I enjoy listening to, learning from, and relating with people. And I don’t understand why there are people who would rather not be with people.

Despite this, I’ve often found myself alone. Through several circumstances, I always end up isolate somehow.

Its awful. It feels like drowning in silence, suffocated by emptiness. Now I do certainly have come to enjoy being alone. Of course, I would have gone mad otherwise.

But its still… Not nice…